Department of Redundancy Department
A Branch of the US Government


  • Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
  • 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
  • Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.
  • Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
  • Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
  • For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
  • A doctors exact words: I can see clearly now, the brain is gone.
  • I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
  • Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
  • There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  • If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  • It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
  • Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
  • Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
  • Do witches run spell checkers?
  • 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

The Dictionary

  • Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
  • Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
  • Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
  • Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
  • Computer: A device designed to speed and automate errors.


  • Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
  • My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
  • File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
  • CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
  • Does fuzzy logic tickle?
  • A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
  • Windows XP: Just another pane in the glass.
  • SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
  • Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?

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